“Let’s have some F.U.D.G.E.”

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“Let’s have some F.U.D.G.E.”

Does F.U.D.G.E. get your attention? Does it get your attention when spelled in CAPS, and with periods? It did mine when I first encountered the term.

I first learned about F.U.D.G.E. while early in my patient advocacy career. I was reading the work of Trisha Torrey, founder and then-director of Alliance of Professional Health Advocates. F.U.D.G.E. caught my eye and demanded my attention. I am glad my curiosity had me investigate because the term adeptly outlines a swarmy, complex emotions of caregiving.

F.U.D.G.E. means Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt, Guilt and Exhaustion.

F.U.D.G.E. means Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt, Guilt and Exhaustion. If you’ve been anywhere near the issues of healthcare navigation, caregiving, planning for successful aging - you likely have been inside one of these. Perhaps a combination of them. Perhaps one fueling another.

I in the coming weeks I will be discussing each one, each ingredient in greater detail. We’re gonna have some  F.U.D.G.E. together. We’ll do it in a way that offers commonality and solution. (This strategist can’t offer your just any ol’ fudge, it’s gotta be from solution, not problem, because solution is where I like to live). 

And because some people like their fudge with nuts I can tell you about situations or people who seemed to be or become nuts, or perhaps you may end up thinking I am. Your call. :-)

Here is the Overview of F.U.D.G.E., a sampler, if you will.

Fear is behind more than we realize

FEAR    

Whether you realize it’s presence or not, or the degree of its grip, is a huge component when you are inside a healthcare encounter. Or when a caregiver, or a care recipient. 

What will happen to the person I'm in charge of, or what will happen to me?

What’s this diagnosis and what does it mean (to me, or to my loved ones)?

How do I navigate all this? 

It may not be anything you can put your finger on or anything you're actually thinking, but there may seem a sort of lurk. Other times may be obvious fear which is more like “Is  Doris going to survive this procedure?” or “I fear for my life, or his life.” Fear is behind more than we realize. In elder care, well care, or caregiving, fear is there in the backseat. We witness it in the form of reticence or complaining, discord or sabotage - even self-sabotage. Fear is lurking, you can bet on it. In fact, for the rest of the word the F.U.D.G.E. you will likely see fear is woven in every part of it.

UNCERTAINTY

Uncertainty is the “U” in F.U.D.G.E. Now maybe that is a pun right there, is there anyone among us who’s not felt some uncertainty relative to healthcare or caregiving? 

How's this going to go? 

Do I know all I need to know? 

Or, I'm pretty sure I don't know all I need to know. 

Uncertainty occurs when there are too many factors or plates in the air, or balls are in the air, or whatever is UP the air! We don't know how the other factors are going to impact our concern. We're dealing with humans here, so then there's that part of any uncertainty, we as humans are all moving targets with wily personalities and we can, without trying to, contribute to volatility.

This F.U.D.G.E. stuff builds. 

DOUBT

Once again, who among us has ever sailed through life (or healthcare, or caregiving, or aging) without a side helping of Doubt?  

I'm not sure if my capability or the other party's capability. 

Will this all come together, or will it unravel? 

Is this right, or is this wrong?

Somebody may be doubting you, or me, or themselves. Not full belief and less-than-full trust is doubt. Fear is here with us also (Ex. Not on my watch. Can I control this?).

Less than full trust is doubt.

GUILT

Guilt is the unhappy lookback, and the sometimes-eternal lookback, Guilt and its lookback influence the looking ahead. Doubt inserts itself, as does fear, and we don’t have to do a thing to find ourselves with it.

It happened on my watch (remember the “Not on my watch?).

He or she made me promise not to, and now it's happening. 

Did I do all I could do? Am I doing all I can do? 

How do I weigh their wishes against safety and maybe an outcome?

F.U.D.G.E. occurs when there are courses of events that we cannot well control.

EXHAUSTION

Exhaustion how fitting that the “E” for exhaustion is at the end of the F.U.D.G.E. -word. After all that aforementioned angst I'm tired just thinking about it all. Exhaustion is a sum total and a result. It is also a danger zone. Exhaustion is easily recognized. Exhaustion is understood. The exhaustion is expected or anticipated and is a result of courses of events that we cannot well control. 

Guess who’re in the backset? Fear, uncertainty, doubt, and guilt are all there. In fact, they likely backseat-drove you here, to exhaustion. 

Did I do (or am I doing) alI that I can do? > I can do more, I must do more.

I cannot let others see that I am not on top of my game or that I need help.

Me? Self-care? HOW DARE I?

Exhaustion may also be a result of denying self-care which I talked about in an earlier blog Me, Self Care? HOW DARE I? Exhaustion can create further exhaustion when we try not to let others see. Or help. There's pride in exhaustion in a weird way, we are exhausted because we haven't let others know or help us or see, or we've not allowed for self-care, such as rest and proper nutrition to fuel the furnace. We’ve not been good to ourselves.

It's fitting that E for Exhaustion is at the end of F.U.D.G.E.

I invite you to live in the solution with me. 

Knowing what we know, about human nature and our frailties and tendencies means we can work within them to find solution. This Patient Advocate likes to live in the solution, so on your behalf I’d already be batting around approaches and ideas such as

How to combat

Mitigate

Reduce

Improve 

Work a plan

Seek

Accept help

Give yourself permission

And so many more. Let’s get started.

Have you been here? Had a piece of F.U.D.G.E. ? ‘Eat too much, at times? I help people who are navigating healthcare, who are caregiving or may be the care recipient, who are aging or solo aging, or planning to age successfully - to manage their F.U.D.G.E. intake.

Nancy Ruffner consults 1:1 with strategy for aging and F.U.D.G.E. - the emotions of healthcare is sure part of that. Let’s cover caregiving or aging,  “with, or without nuts.” We’ll clean the plate of F.U.D.G.E., wash it, and put it away. Schedule your one-hour consultation or via my website www.nancyruffner.com