There’s still some F.U.D.G.E. left… The ‘E’ in F.U.D.G.E. is for EXHAUSTION.

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I’m baa-ack, passing the last little bit of F.U.D.G.E. because no one gets by without my sampler.

Hello F.U.D.G.E.-Folks, and the people that love them, and the professionals that work with them. I'm back with another helping of F.U.D.G.E., and there’s still plenty to go around.  

F.U.D.G.E. pertains to Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt, Guilt, and (today is) EXHAUSTION. If you need to review the other ingredients, I’ve made it easy for your review. 😉  Click the links.

I’m not here to point out the Why’s, the Why we are EXHAUSTED. We all have our personal situations and Whys. Rather, I'm here to discuss our understanding of  and to offer some new ideas on how to use that understanding to our betterment or toward a better outcome.

The ‘E’ in F.U.D.G.E. is for EXHAUSTION. Ever had a heaping helping of that? EXHAUSTION itself seems easy to understand because gosh, we sure feel it, but getting through EXHAUSTION or climbing out is a little more elusive. Finding any good in EXHAUSTION can be challenging.

That's what this segment is about: recognizing that it is a fundamental ingredient of F.U.D.G.E., it has its rightful place, and there may be a few simple things we can try to make this ingredient work for us.

Let us first agree that this EXHAUSTION-thing is real. It is real for patients, caregivers, the people who love them, and it is real for the helping professionals, too. We all saw that during the height of the pandemic, and you can bet the results of ongoing EXHAUSTION will be measured for years to come.

We are inundated with articles about it. They warn us, tell us to pull out and practice self-care. Yet many of us do not follow through with any action steps. Why is that?

In 2023 I was brought to a point of EXHAUSTION myself. Try closing a small business, YOUR small business, transitioning a career into a new business model, packing up and U-Hauling yourself and all your worldly possessions to another state, all the while tending to a relative who is experiencing a major, major (did I say major??) health crisis. 

I had every right to be EXHAUSTED. Every right to complain and lament and to seek comfort and be comfort-ed but I was even too tired for that. Or proud. Or stubborn. I was part of the problem.

I get it, that EXHAUSTION. Spoken or unspoken, acknowledged or not in our heart of hearts. I get ignoring the concerns of those who care, and blowing past the watchful eyes in dogged independence or misplaced valor, and feeling like I must somehow persist and prevail. “I am too smart to be EXHAUSTED” does not hold water.

This is a theme among my clients. They’re EXHAUSTED. They’re coming to me overwhelmed, depleted, or emotionally spent. They are with short fuses, snapping at loved ones, arguing with their colleagues, resentful of their partners, and their previous methods for self-care, if they had any, have evaporated. They’re struggling, and many feel there’s not enough of them to go around.

I’ve never run a marathon, but any physiologist would tell you that it’s crucial to rest your body after putting that much stress on it. As humans we’re equipped for demanding circumstances, but we’re also made to recover with rest. If you were to run marathon after marathon with no down-time, you would destroy your body, risking long term damage and putting future goals at risk.

Are ya listening, caregivers? Are you listening, professionals working in healthcare?

Enough about what IT is and does. Let’s move to what we can do about EXHAUSTION (and learn from it, grow within it) when it presents.

Consider this: there are those of us who feel that we must not slow down because somebody needs us -or might.

“How am I supposed to rest when everyone around me needs something all the time?”

“It feels selfish to take time for myself right now.”

“Doing this is my purpose, or responsibility, I’m the one that does this thing.”

Let’s examine these kinds of thoughts while viewing EXHAUSTION through new lenses.

The first thing we might do is challenge ourselves in our belief that everyone always needs us.

Is that true? Are the people around you truly incapable of surviving for an hour or two while you take a long walk, drive to the mountains, hole up in your room with a good book, or skip cooking dinner one night a week? We may think

“It will create more work for me in the long run if I take a night off.”

“I’ll fall behind at work.”

“My partner won’t do things the right way.”

Believe it or not, people can, and do, rise to the occasion when you release the reins. Shocking, I know, but the people who need you truly can survive without you.

Picture this (because I did, here’s where my mind went in dispute):  You and another are seated atop a speeding stagecoach and you are holding the reins, driving the horses. If you fell ill or fell out, that other person would take the reins, control the horses. They just would.

The world will not combust if you don’t return that email right away. The kids will not be scarred for life if your bedroom is off limits for a couple of hours while you retreat.

Secondly, don’t discount small moments of self-care.

Many of my clients working from home have found it difficult having lost the transition time, that period of time from home to work and work to home. Their lives have become blurred, and they’re carrying work into the kitchen and home life into their meetings.

Boundaries give us a sense of order and safety. Implementing something small to transition between roles can help. Something as simple as changing clothes after your work day before you engage again with the world can help accomplish this transition. Remember how Mr. Rogers changed from his coat to his sweater? It helps your mind shift gears.

Don’t turn your back on rest, real rest.

Rest and recovery come in many forms. Take, for example, the act of stepping back from the past few years and acknowledging its toll. How could we not have “toll” from living through a pandemic, or from caregiving, or from assisting persons every day whose lives are upside down, and toll from always helping those who are hurting?

Remember that the oxygen masks when they drop down while on the plane are for the parent, or the caregiver first, and for the care recipient next. It does make sense to extend our care capabilities, doesn’t it?

Back to the challenge now: Does everyone need you, and all the time?

We are not going to stop here and wrestle with the whole self-worth thing, the “I’m not worth it”-stuff. I’m talking about reality. It really IS unlikely that the world will come to a grinding halt if you entertain some rest.

I’ve had well-meaning friends and professionals alike make kind suggestions in recent months, then I heard those suggestions increase in vehemence and volume. I even had one person sit. me. down.  Then - like groceries in the backseat when you slam on brakes - it all came forward, and hit me. EXHAUSTION.

And while I was out, the world did not stop! In fact, my stopping ME, and my ever-lovin’ “I-Am-Super-Fixer”-self allowed a new course of events to begin that brought relief. How about that? My stepping away helped matters, or at least enabled some “new.” Most importantly, it brought about the new lenses. 

Not only was I able to detach, I introduced some ME-Time, just a little. And it’s paying off. I feel better, and I look forward to it, that ME-Time. I bask in it, and I even bargain with myself during work tasks so I may reward myself with it. (Hey, whatever works, right?).

Try a New Approach

If you are eating F.U.D.G.E. and taste EXHAUSTION, allow me to offer a new Rx:

Head it off when you can.

Obviously.

Listen to the kind suggestions from others.

Notice it when the frequency or volume increases from watchful, concerned, and loving eyes.

Admit

Why am I hearing Pete Seegar’s all too familiar refrain “The first step in solving a problem is admitting there is a problem.”? -Because it fits here.

Read a self-care article

Would it kill you to, even on a whim, to read and consider what it has to say? When I do, I may initially be responding to an image, or to the article’s snappy title. I may open an email in response to an enticing subject line.

Here’s the uncanny part: When I do follow a tug the exact thing I need is often revealed. If I choose to listen to a podcast I will hear that solution spoken, just for me. While reading I will see words that seem to simply leap from the page! I’ve learned to pay attention to that. Pursue it, it just takes a minute or two, and there is likely a nugget in there meant for you.

Try a tiny something in the self-care department. Or just make a decision to try.

(One of those could be making your life easier by booking a call with me). Do a little something, take a brief step away, if only to test whether the world ends because of it.

Place yourself on your To-Do list, and not in last place.

I am still recalling my friend Lisa telling me about her reckoning. Lisa was expounding upon all she‘d been doing and trying and managing and fretting, when she finally added “Nancy, I’d placed myself last on my own list!”

Look at all this through new lenses.

Challenge your “Have To’s” and other “I-am-the-only-one-who-can-do-this” -thinking. Is it true, valid? Rebut.

The E in F.U.D.G.E. is EXHAUSTION. Whether we add nuts or go nuts is up to us.

If you struggle with F.U.D.G.E. or would like some help with healthcare navigation, aging matters do contact me. “Out of the Problem and Into the Solution,” I always say. Book A Consultation today. nancyruffner.com