When We Don't, Why We Don't, and What To Do About It.

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Today I'm gonna share about motivation. My motivation, which is to help you with yours. And it has everything to do with the title of this segment: When We Don't, Why We Don't, and What to Do About It.

In the “Call ‘Em As I See ‘Em”-department I've said that a primary reason for the Don’t is fear.

Now, I’m not talking about horrific, seized up, quake-in-your-boots fear. Fear is, well, diverse, shall we say. It can be innocent enough, and fear can wear a lot of disguises

Fear does not always manifest as menacing. It doesn't always appear at all, but if we are aging or caring for someone who is it is likely there. Fear takes on many forms:

Out and out alarm. Fear happens.

Fear of the unknown, which, when we think about it, nearly always seems bigger than it needs to be.

No point of reference, no comparison to gauge. We may simply find ourselves in new or choppy waters.

Maybe we don’t know if we have enough experience, or safety, the lack of which ushers in fear. I am here to tell you from my own personal experience that there are ways to tap into experience or build safety if you wish, but we can get it.

When we’re swirling in the moment and trying to assess and to assign a level of severity to this time, this thing, is reminding us of a past scenario that may be didn't go so well. Here is where there is beauty in fear.

Beauty, in fear?

I wrote about this is the F.U.D.G.E. series, a set of blogs this summer, especially The F in F.U.D.G.E stands for Fear segment. In that piece I suggested that Fear is there for a reason, to have us bear pause, and even to protect us. That’s good, right?

Also good is the fact that your antennae are up. Maybe you detect danger but could it also be opportunity? A close investigation, performed in an instant may provide clues.

Perhaps our dilemma is lack of education, or information or role models, -something. But undeniably the desire to change, the impetus for change is at hand.

The What To Do’s

Plenty of What To Do has stemmed from but a kernel of desire. A mustard seed, as they say. The idea that we can. To Do can come by way of modeling, or from prayer, or from a Swoop. (My sister and I called it Swooping, when we inside fast-change with our loved ones. We too would act fast, and feeling that we were most likely right we made care decisions, fast, and were guided by conviction and support. Swoops have had their rightful place in my personal and professional lives). 

 However, and if given the choice, I would rather plan and do than have matters placed into another's hands (whose?) or be thrust into a circumstance in which I may not have my say. 

When We Don't, Why We Don't… The What To Do can be a myriad of things:

• Watch others. Talk. Put yourself in places to learn. Seek the information you need.

• Ask trusted advisors, both in peers or friends, and professionals.

•  For those of you who employ prayer, do so. Prayer helps, in that it helps us to keep eyes open, and ears and our hearts.

• Get in touch with that inner compass. There are no better guiders than compass and gut. They are quite the duo if we'll just listen to them.

While you are there, consulting compass and listening to the gut, take a look at that instant in which the fear (or question, hesitation or uh-oh feelings) first manifested. This is opportunity knocking, opportunity to do something different – but to do something.

Assess it:

Do you need more information?

Is this circumstance true?

Is this like the last time that didn't go so well, or is this different?

What can I do, or do differently?

What are my options? What, or who, could help me?

By pausing, even for a nanosecond, you’ve made a decision.

That, my friends, is followed by the Do. The decision to move forward. You are unstuck.

Let me know if ever I may help. It would be my honor.

Nancy Ruffner is a patient advocate who provides strategy for aging, solo aging, and healthcare navigation. Nancy consults with clients in a triage fashion, offering one-hour consultations toward a deeper understanding of “how stuff works” in eldercare, or find your path. Schedule your 1-Hour session now, without obligation of commitment or continuing costs. nancyruffner.com.